You are what you eat 8: the long green mile

This is what I call the long green mile:

I’ve lost about 10 kilos and dropped two sizes (yay!) over 8 months. I know, it’s fantastic. But then, about a month ago, I seem to have stopped losing altogether. I hit the famous plateau. I knew it was coming, that’s not a problem.   For me, The long green mile is the last 5 kilos I want to lose: how do I stay motivated, and keep going in the face of my stagnant weight? I see them ahead of me like a green path; it’s green because I’m on the safe side now (the healthy side) but it feels much longer than the previous 10 kilos I’ve lost.

I am happy with my diet and will not give it up, but lately I started feeling like loosening it up a bit. Just giving myself a bit of a break. And when I was at my weakest and thinking I had to accept that this was it and I was not going to lose any more, guess what? I stepped on the scale this morning and I had lost another half kilo. For the first time in almost a month, I could see a difference! Alleluia! Half a kilo is not much, and it could be back there tomorrow, but I could see the needle in the scale teetering to the other side of that ominous 70k mark.

That gave me a huge boost. I went to the gym – yes, on my diet day! 8 months ago when I started, I could barely move on diet days – and felt pretty light and fit. My pulse went up to around 180 while running on the treadmill and then went right down to 130 in a minute when I was cooling down – which is great.

The diet hasn’t been easy but the results – not just looking slimmer but feeling healthier physically and mentally, feeling in control and empowered – have had a positive impact in more ways than one. For starters, it’s helped me feel happier and more of an achiever. I don’t rely 100% on my professional achievements to feel fulfilled any more. Here’s something else that I feel proud of. I can’t stop this now. I feel so different from the person I was last year. And it’s not just about the weight. But shedding the weight has been metaphorical as well as tangible. I can do this.

So long green mile: bring it on! I’m ready for it! Here I come!

 

 

 

you are what you eat 5: public acknowledgement of weight loss

It feels really good to be finally at a healthy weight, and to think that if I go to the GP and they ask me to step on the scale, I won’t cringe. But by far the best thing about it is not what I perceive but the recognition I’m getting from others around me. Originally, I felt quite stupid about the internal glee that getting praise for my slimmer figure gave me. I felt ashamed of myself – how-shallow-am-I kinda thing. Until I bumped into Bishop Berkeley.

No. He’s not some priest from the church who told me dieting was godly. He didn’t say that being skinny was making me closer to Jesus.

Bishop Berkeley was an 18th century philosopher, actually. He postulated that things exist only if they are externally perceived. Reading about his ideas made it all fall into place. It somehow clicked. My weight loss only becomes real if others notice it.

For months, I shed pounds without anyone realising it. Now, I have finally hit that stage where the loss is quite noticeable and people are no longer second guessing. So this week three different people – whom I see pretty regularly – told me how much slimmer I was. I think it matters that these are people I see on a daily basis because when they start noticing, then it’s because it’s really happening.

I don’t take offence quickly and that kind of comment – comments about my size – wouldn’t offend me any way even if they were negative – and trust me, I’ve had my share of those over the years: “Oh! When is it due? I didn’t know” comments were amongst my favourite; I’m still to determine who blushed a deeper shade of red, me or the perpetrator.

Intrusive and patronising though they might sound to some, these remarks made me feel quite happy (even though I obviously responded by being quite self deprecating and went on to explain how overweight I was before and how I actually do the 5:2 diet so I can then stuff my face full of chocolate and cheese the next day – both true facts but couldn’t I just take the bloody compliment on the chin and move on? – and how I wouldn’t be able to do it if it wasn’t for my husband’s doing it with me and blah blah blah).

And despite my stupid inability to receive praise with dignity, I am quite proud of my accomplishment and their positive acknowledgement makes me feel successful. And my success is defined by their acknowledgement. Because as Bishop Berkeley put it, there would be no success without their perception of it. Hooray!

PS How long till breakfast? I’m staaarving!

you are what you eat 4: size does matter

it’s been about 4 months since we started the 5:2 diet with the hubby and it’s working really well. we’re both quite happy. despite the recent hiccups (half-term meant that even though we did diet, we overate the rest of the days so we didn’t really lose any weight and perhaps put on some, but hey, that’s holidays for you!), we have been getting slimmer without really making too much of an effort. this is by far the best diet I’ve ever been on and that’s good news because it’s one that will have to last for life.

there’s one issue, though, that needs mentioning. that’s size. i’m now a size 12, though I still have my size 14 clothes. when I was at my heaviest, I was probably a “reluctant” size 16 (i.e.: I resisted buying size 16 clothes so just about managed to get into my size 14 trousers). I did get some size 16 clothes – reluctantly – and probably because I knew they were size 42 in Europe. In my mind, I thought “as long as i’m still a 42 in Europe, all’s well.”. For example, H&M’s size 14 is a 40 while most other brands put it as a 42. So in H&M I’d get a size 16 knowing it was a 42…capisce? But I wasn’t happy. size is NOT just a number on a label. it’s so much more.

so last week I realised to my immense joy that my size 14 jeans were too big (yay!). The shop I usually get my jeans from is Bonprix – German online retailer which I totally recommend for quality and price besides they make their clothes up to sizes I didn’t know existed. when it comes to jeans I usually go for the cheapest: John Banner’s, skinny, regular waist, dark denim. I paid £10 and I love them. and they are too big for me now. but I worried: what if I get a size 12 and they’re too small? or too short? shall I get the long ones (they come in 3 leg lengths too: short, regular and long)?

there I was, poring over the jeans at Bonprix when the postman knocked. La Redoute was offering £50 off on any purchases of £100. too tempting. I love La Redoute. so I browsed their site and found some expensive pair of jeans for the hubby (he deserves them, he never gets himself any clothes and his jeans are looking silly now) and I found a size 13 pair for me. I thought this would be the ideal compromise. I choose the black ones, skinny, regular waist. and then waited.

I got them today and I must say my first impression was: they’re too big. but that might happen and you need to try them on. but I could tell the waist was too big. and it was. I just don’t get who wears this. you need to have either a massive ass or a big belly with thin, long legs to suit these. the hubby consoled me saying that they were not designed for my ‘latin’ shape (round bum, thick thighs and big hips, no belly) but for the British woman (whatever that might be – the opposite of what I described above). he tried to cheer me up saying that it was a great sign that I was feeling the size 13 too big. he’s a sweetie.

it’s not too bad, I can wear them with a belt on and will probably not be able to wear them comfortably in 4 months when I lose more weight (which I will!). I paid around £16 – not too bad, and might be able to keep them until I put on weight again (which I probably will, unfortunately). perhaps I can use them as measuring jeans: if they feel comfy it will be time to cut down on the carbs again.

next time, i’ll go for what I know and buy the size 12 John Banner’s from Bonprix at £10.

you are what you eat 3: nothing tastes as good as skinny feels

kate moss. love her or hate her. infamously she said nothing tastes as good as skinny feels provoking the anger and outrage of the public who decried her comments as dangerous and insensitive. but shes so right. whether you like it or not that icon of 1990s fashion philosophy was spot on. up to a point.

when youre fasting – whatever the reason – at first you crave food. you cant stop thinking about it. it occupies all of your brain. you wonder if youll ever stop thinking about eating. and just mentioning food makes you a tiny bit upset. it feels as if only eating will make you happy again.

but then almost miraculously it happens: you start craving the opposite. you start wanting to fast.

your body starts asking for it. its an inexplicable need to purge your system. and it makes you feel good – virtuous – to restrict yourself to the point that by lunchtime youve had 0 calorie and by bedtime no more than 500. it makes you feel powerful and perhaps a tiny bit superior. theres a sense of exhilaration in the knowledge that you have done something that so many cant do but also that you couldnt do or thought you couldnt do.

fasting makes you feel in control. counting calories you know exactly whats going on you have the power. everything else could be falling apart but you find an odd sense of inner strength and conviction in fasting.

and then come the rewards. the flat stomach. the elegant collarbone. the spindly arms. who can resist?

oh but dont you worry. i havent got an eating disorder. i love eating and i love cooking. i love food. i dont want to promote unhealthy eating habits either. i actually think that fasting is a healthy habit if done properly. or i wouldnt do it. but in the words of kate: nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

you are what you eat 2 – weight loss

the hubby bought a scale.

and it turns out im almost healthy. i still need to lose half a stone to be officially healthy but thats great news and im happy with that.

i just need to be careful not to feel a bit too confident you know? because my weight tends to yo-yo: i lose weight i feel better i reward myself with nice food i put on weight i feel bad i diet i lose weight etc.

now my clothes feel a bit baggy. especially my trousers – i am a typical pear shape. but its so gratifying to feel my trousers are loose around my thighs and my shirt buttons are not going to pop out…its a reward in itself. and the perfect excuse to get new clothes as well. which i love. i love clothes and when you feel good about your body nothing feels as good as new clothes.

you are what you eat 1

the hubby and i have embarked on a lifestyle change process. we started a 5:2 diet. it involves fasting 2 non-consecutive days a week. by fasting we mean reducing our calorie intake to 500 for me and 600 for him. this represents 1/4 of the suggested calorie intake per day for women and men respectively. some days its harder than others but the results are good. and it keeps us going.

losing weight was obviously a great motivation behind our decision but weight is not our only worry. we are concerned that we are having lots of ‘hidden’ calories – especially in the form of hidden sugar – which we dont need. the WHO recommends no more than 25g of sugar a day for women and 37g for men. but theres so much sugar in foods that you wouldnt even think of as sweet that people easily exceed that amount without noticing. sugar is a killer. and its addictive.

cutting down on sugar cold turkey is not like giving up smoking. you dont need to smoke. at all. you dont need to buy cigarettes and actually theres every reason not to do it. but you need food. so we started looking at the calorie count and the amount of sugar every processed food we buy contains. and we dont buy a lot of processed foods to begin with. but since we started thinking about sugar we have had to cut down on processed foods too.

oh thats great you must be thinking. and in a way it is. amazing. but theres a reason processed foods became so popular: they save time. so bye bye potato waffles and chicken nuggets. bye bye jaffa cakes and cereal bars. bye bye juice from concentrate. hello toil.

i love cooking. dont get me wrong. and im all for cutting down processed foods to almost zero. but this will take a toll. on me. the hubby prefers homemade cooking. and so do his kids. he is happy to shoulder part of the cooking – and usually he makes a mean coconut curry and yorkshire puddings with the sunday roast. but im thinking of breakfast (i make all of those) packed lunches (i make all of those too) and the boring stuff that the kids eat (i usually make that too).

the kitchen at home when the kids are around is like a restaurants. i cook at least 2 different meals if not 3 for 4 people. i know its my fault largely because i was (and still am) the fussiest eater ever. and i know how it feels to be made to eat something you think its poison. these kids are quite adventurous in comparison. but they wont have curry.

and they love sugar. so we have to start weaning them off it. against their will. how do we do that? you should see their little faces when we give them a nice dessert. the more sugary the better. and you should see their faces when we say theres fruit for pudding. they have the fruit and then say “can i have something nice now?” as if fruit was the price to pay for naughtiness and enjoyment. i wish it was. then fruit would give us free rein to stuff our faces full of chocolate and starmix drink coke and wine (btw a can of coke exceeds the 25g of sugar recommended by the WHO by quite a bit).

so this is a family endeavour. wish us good luck.